I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
