I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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