I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
how does that bad decision feel?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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