Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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