I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
