Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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