i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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