How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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