i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
