If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
