i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
