Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
