I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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