I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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