i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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