Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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