Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Randomize
