In America we eat man semen.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
