Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
