She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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