doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
