I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
