I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
