then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
