No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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