I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
