that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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