I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
