I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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