I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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