marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
