they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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