I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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