When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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