What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You ate ashes out of my bong
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
