I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
