We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
