if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
