Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
