heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
