I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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