i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
