I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
