my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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