i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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