i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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