I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
