Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
