So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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