that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
