It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
