Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
