Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
