I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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