Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
