I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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